If you create, let alone exist long enough, it's going to happen. Someone will dismiss your work. They'll roll their eyes at your dream. They'll tell you your idea is silly, unrealistic, childish, strange, or not worth pursuing.
For the longest time, I believed the solution was to prove them wrong. If I could explain myself clearly enough, work hard enough, or create something impressive enough surely then they'd understand. They'd see what I saw.
And that's all nonsense.
Some people will comment because they genuinely want to help you. Their feedback may be difficult to hear, but it comes from a place of honestly and respect.
Others are not interested in helping at all. Maybe they're interested in being right, in feeling superior, or want a reaction.
Learning the difference between these two groups may be one of the most valuable skills you can develop not only as a writer but a person.
Constructive criticism:
- Asks questions.
- Points towards improvement
Contempt will:
- Dismiss you.
- Points towards discouragement.
One helps build you up not only as an artist but a person. The other simply tries to tear you down.
The painful part is both can sting.
We pour our hearts into a story, a business, a dream, and criticism can feel personal. Creativity requires you to be vulnerable. We're sharing something that didn't exist before we made it.
However, not every opinion requires equal weight.
A trusted mentor who takes the time to offer thoughtful feedback deserves consideration.
A person whose only goal is to simply mock, belittle, bully, or discourage?
Blockity, block, block, block!
You don't need to attend every argument you're invited to.
You don't have to defend every dream.
You're not required to explain your worth to people who have already decided not to see it.
I want to present to you a real life example that happened to me late May. I dated this person for five months and then blocked him because he would violate my boundaries. What struck me about it wasn't the criticism itself, but the assumption that disagreement meant I was stubborn. That my decision to step away somehow made me responsible for his unhappiness.
To put this into healthy criticism it would've been something along the lines of "Here's a problem I see, and here's why." Healthy criticism helps us grow.
Manipulation or unhealthy criticism is "You should have listened to me, and bad things happened after you didn't." Manipulation tries to make you feel guilty for having boundaries and/or the courage to say "no."
Rather than respond personally I banned him from my page and blocked him. Sometimes the most powerful response is silence.
There are times the most powerful response is continuing your work. Continue to live and you do you.
Write that next chapter, plant that garden, open that shop, put that demon back where you found it. Don't lick it, I say!
A pumpkin doesn't stop growing because someone calls it a squash. It continues to soak up the sunshine. It continues to grow roots. It continues to become what it was meant to become.
Perhaps people should do the same.
Not everyone is going to appreciate who you are and what you do. Not every person is going to understand your vision or cheer for your success.
And that's all right.
Your job is not to convince everyone.
Your job is to keep creating.
The people who need your stories, your art, your ideas, and your voice will find them.
And when they do, they will be glad you kept going.
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